(no subject)

[lwoodbloo]

I've got this particular Shelby Lynne song in my head. Someone's hurt her, badly, and all she can do is tell him that she's leaving, and the pain she's feeling.

I'm not hurting like that. But I think I want to be alone like that sometimes.

I've got this really bad conflict in my head and soul about being alone and being with people. Like some of my Lj friends, sometimes I feel like i have nothing of value to say, and that the world would be better served without me. I just want to lock myself away and read, because that's what I'm best at. These are low times. Bad times. Very reminiscent of my sophomore year, when Justin moved out, and i spent a lot of time sitting on the floor in my room, just being there. But it got really pernicious and nasty after a while. I think that's when a lot of my sociability and conversational ability started to erode. People see me as this happy, sociable person, but I really feel sometimes like they have no idea. Maybe I just don't want them to. I'm afraid if they see the blackness, the depression, they'll walk away because it's too hard. I'm afraid if I tell people like chelipunkass what I'm thinking and feeling, I'll never see her again. And I feel bad that in my clouds of personal issues I can't do anything for anyone else. I feel like i minimize the problems of others in the face of my own.

*deeep deep breaths*

I feel better.

Could I make a small request?

If you read this, anyone, just drop me a hug. I'll appreciate it a great deal. I know you all know I'm alive, I don't doubt it. But proof is nice.

Comments

[elordais.livejournal.com]

hey man, I know how that feels all too well

Here--*hugs*

[penchantnyc.livejournal.com]

Dude, we've all been there. *hugs*

I was about to tell u to IM me cuz I've been meaning to ask u something...but I then remembered yer IM doesn't work. Ack. I'll email u eventually (with a couple of weeks) about it. :)

[phoenixsong]

*hughughug*

loff you, kiddo. call my cell after 9pm tonight if you need, k?

[saintlex.livejournal.com]

*HUG*

[excitableboy.livejournal.com]

HUG$. Don't worry about it dude, just do whatcha feel. If you wanna get stuff out, get stuff out.

friends

[sattruckguy.livejournal.com]

no doubt, i know you're alive. you're a great guy, a great friend, and fun to hang out with. the fact that we haven't seen each other in a few weeks is my works fault, not yours. :) hang in dude, doind anything this weekend?

Re: friends

[lwoodbloo.livejournal.com]

I need to figure out saturday. Perhaps then?

Re: friends

[sattruckguy.livejournal.com]

saturday would be great, tracy is heading out with friends, and i'm not invited. :)

Re: friends

[lwoodbloo.livejournal.com]

What a shame.

Let's try for evening.

Re: friends

[sattruckguy.livejournal.com]

ok, what's the game plan? drinks, gaming, sex, drugs and rock 'n roll?

*waves*

[waterfaery.livejournal.com]

Big huge long distance hugs. I know how you feel... and it's not much fun. But hang in there. Things will get better. See you in May?

[meritofstars.livejournal.com]

*pets*

Lots of Hugs

[(Anonymous)]

If I could give you hugs in real life I will. Maybe when we meet I will anyway. So here are some online hugs to you. *warm tight friendly hugs* and hope to talk to you soon. XOXO

Long Time

[niamh1.livejournal.com]

Big huge awesome hugs (you know, like the incredible ones you always give!)

[violetshade.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*
*Takes pulse* Hmm... yep, there it is.

$100.00 HUG

[ladyjendifi.livejournal.com]

The fact that you called me over my "back to school" post and practically did a cheer for me while we were on the phone proves to me that you do not let your own personal issues get in the way of your friendship with others (me at least). You always know how to make me smile, Matt; in fact, after I got back from my trip, my smiling muscles hurt. That doesn't make what you're going through any less painful, but it seems to me like you have a slew of friends here who will not walk away from you when things get rough; and I certainly will not. You've been there for me through more than a few issues, and the very least I can do is hug. If you wanna talk later, you know where to find me!

ps: if you EVER need to get out of your room....meet me in Kansas

[queenofennui.livejournal.com]

*hugs and kisses* and maybe some 'cuffs thrown in there too ;)

[merina888.livejournal.com]

I'm here if you need me, hon. Know that I'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. *big hugz* Never forget that we all love you and can't imagine the world without your smile.

[chelipunkass.livejournal.com]

*hugs and eskimo kisses* you know I love you.

[violet-shade.livejournal.com]

*drops a hug* *wonders where it landed*