(no subject)

[lwoodbloo]

It's been an...hmm.

It's been a bad day so far.



I got into a fight with my brother this morning about...coffee. Yep, you guessed it. Someone is NOT a morning person. And that someone would be both of us. He wanted coffee, I offered him something else because we didn't ahve any coffee, not a viable quantity anyway...but he did it anyway. And for some reason, this bothered me. A lot. And I shoved him around, because...well...I'm not a bad person, but I was in that moment, and honestly, that bothers me a lot. I wanted to do something for him, and I perceived that he didn't really care. When my brother is pressured, or doesn't understand, he clams up.

Mom was surprisingly...no, not so much. Mom was very understanding, and I appreciated that.

What I can't understand is why I did that. I love my brother, love him a great deal. But in that moment? I was so angry, I can't even tell you.

Comments

[ntang.livejournal.com]

Well, look. It's not a good thing, certainly. But it's understandable. Humans have limits to their patience and their endurance, and sometimes, sometimes you just lose it. I've certainly unloaded on the kids before (not physically, but I mean yelling and such) in a big way. And while I've never abused them, when I've been angry I certainly get a lot less careful about them, get tired of them resisting so I just shove them into their room or drag them behind me if they refuse to come, things like that. I've never actually hurt them, but I haven't always been nice to them, either.

It's not that you're a bad person, it's just that you're human. So you apologize, you make it up to him as best as you can, and you realize that you've got some anger in you and that you need to be more cognizant of it going forward. You should've seen me 3 or 4 years ago, I was constantly in a bad mood, yelling all the damn time at my (now-ex) wife or the kids, always always angry... it happens to the best of us. And if it happens to the best of us, it certainly can happen to people like me who are far from the best.

But the point is, you don't need to feel like a bad person.

I've noticed that sometimes, when things have been going fairly well overall, that I'll actually have less patience for things. Not all the time, but sometimes - I guess because when I'm really happy, it's a real mood-killer to have to deal with bad things, and it just makes it seem that much less tolerable. (Of course, other times, when I'm happy, it makes it that much /easier/ to deal with bad things. Humans are a confusing, contradictory bunch.)

Anyways, rambling. But don't feel bad.

[sisterred.livejournal.com]

I was going to say something, but Ntang said it best. You're human. We all have moments like that. We all get frustrated. It doesn't make you a bad person. You know you love Jeff. Everybody knows the lengths you'd go to for your brother. It was just a bad morning. Go home, give him a hug, take him a big bag of coffee, and move on.

*hugs*

[brokensiren.livejournal.com]

*points up*

Ditto what they said. Just because you have one bad morning, definitely does not make you a bad person. It's pretty obvious how much you and Jeff care about each other. Everyone has their moments where the stress gets to them. You know you shouldn't have been so quick to snap at him, so just go home, apologize, and go on from there. Everything will be fine. *cuddles*

[violetshade.livejournal.com]

My advice would be to keep an extra stash of coffee on hand for emergencies. Or a caffeine IV drip :)

[lwoodbloo.livejournal.com]

Dork. ;-)

[niamh1.livejournal.com]

no, no. This idea has merit.

Mom is wise.

[niamh1.livejournal.com]

Along with all the previous comments...

Trust your mother on this one. I am sure she was understanding for a good reason, that being that she truly understands. Besides this happens to everyone. It is called being human.