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Feb. 5th, 2005 06:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lwoodblooIt's been a long day, and I've been ruminating.
I'm in the weird place right now. The weird place is, for me, nostalgia. I regret. I get sad. I get unhappy. People here...it's like I'm a celebrity, sort of. People know who I am secondhand. Thirdhand! It's so odd. I was NOT the popular kid, ever. Yet, I was here for four years, and people STILL KNOW WHO I AM. I feel like an imposter. I feel like I do not deserve this at all.
When I come here, it feels redolent. Redolent is one of those words I really like. It means "smells of", but it's got connotations of dead and buried things, or funerals at least. It feels like this is a time in my life that I left behind, and yet can't. I don't want to leave it behind. I want it to be alive, kicking, pissed off. I want it to exist coterminous with my current existence, such that it is.
I think the Manny thing has taken a lot out of me. It has made me far too apologetic and nervous about how I treat people. Manny, if you're reading this, I'm sorry that things didn't work out. I'm NOT sorry about how I left. I'm NOT sorry about how I treated you in the end. And I WANT my stuff back.
I'm in the weird place right now. The weird place is, for me, nostalgia. I regret. I get sad. I get unhappy. People here...it's like I'm a celebrity, sort of. People know who I am secondhand. Thirdhand! It's so odd. I was NOT the popular kid, ever. Yet, I was here for four years, and people STILL KNOW WHO I AM. I feel like an imposter. I feel like I do not deserve this at all.
When I come here, it feels redolent. Redolent is one of those words I really like. It means "smells of", but it's got connotations of dead and buried things, or funerals at least. It feels like this is a time in my life that I left behind, and yet can't. I don't want to leave it behind. I want it to be alive, kicking, pissed off. I want it to exist coterminous with my current existence, such that it is.
I think the Manny thing has taken a lot out of me. It has made me far too apologetic and nervous about how I treat people. Manny, if you're reading this, I'm sorry that things didn't work out. I'm NOT sorry about how I left. I'm NOT sorry about how I treated you in the end. And I WANT my stuff back.
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You're Money.
Date: 2005-02-05 03:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-05 09:33 pm (UTC)