Frustration rears its ugly head.
Jun. 14th, 2002 07:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lwoodblooWell, she never called.
Past it.
I'm going out tonite with danno and my bro. It'll be good fun, blow off some steam, have some appetizers and shit. Just want to not be in the house on a friday night sitting like a bump on a log. I wish I knew more people. I wish I knew more people i wanted to hang out with. I wish I was more assertive. I feel really low right now and it doesn't feel good. I'm just lonely as shit, and as usual, no one really gives a fuck besides like one person. And I'm bitching and moaning because I refuse to be a fucking stoic about it like I always am. People take advantage of me, I do for them, they do nothing back. I admire them, I compliment them, and there's no reciprocation. Fuck man, I just want them all to go away. Just disappear. There are so many people right now who I could do without seeing ever again. and most of them are here in the city. There are days I just want to make scads of angry fuck off phone calls. What's worse is the ones I don't hear from. The ones who decided that I wasn't worth their time or effort. I wasn't cute enough or tall enough or something enough, what, I don't know. And I just wonder, how would they like it? How would they like it if I looked at them and said...no, you're not it. Move on, find someone else...I have. I have done that. And I didn't like the feeling. It was a mix of real shame and relief.
Shit. I really should make this entry private. SHould just lock it away. But I need to vent the virtriol because it will burn its way out of me, I am an imperfect vessel.
Past it.
I'm going out tonite with danno and my bro. It'll be good fun, blow off some steam, have some appetizers and shit. Just want to not be in the house on a friday night sitting like a bump on a log. I wish I knew more people. I wish I knew more people i wanted to hang out with. I wish I was more assertive. I feel really low right now and it doesn't feel good. I'm just lonely as shit, and as usual, no one really gives a fuck besides like one person. And I'm bitching and moaning because I refuse to be a fucking stoic about it like I always am. People take advantage of me, I do for them, they do nothing back. I admire them, I compliment them, and there's no reciprocation. Fuck man, I just want them all to go away. Just disappear. There are so many people right now who I could do without seeing ever again. and most of them are here in the city. There are days I just want to make scads of angry fuck off phone calls. What's worse is the ones I don't hear from. The ones who decided that I wasn't worth their time or effort. I wasn't cute enough or tall enough or something enough, what, I don't know. And I just wonder, how would they like it? How would they like it if I looked at them and said...no, you're not it. Move on, find someone else...I have. I have done that. And I didn't like the feeling. It was a mix of real shame and relief.
Shit. I really should make this entry private. SHould just lock it away. But I need to vent the virtriol because it will burn its way out of me, I am an imperfect vessel.
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no subject
Date: 2002-06-15 07:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-06-17 10:02 pm (UTC)