lwoodbloo | So alone.

Walking along the boardwalk last night opened me up quite a bit. Sea air and wind kinda gives me pause to think about stuff. And being there with mom helps too....she's good to have around. LIstens well. When I need advice she's there.

I've gotten past my own "my god, I'm an asshole" issues now, I think. If there's something I did with someone else and it went badly and it was my fault, I think I've come to terms with it. Talking with manny about it every day really helps, he's a good listener. Now, it's dealing with my constant crises of confidence about things. Now it's gone from "No one SHOULD be allowed to like me" to "No one DOES like me".

I was kinda depressed today...."I'm going to be alone forever" has been running through my head a lot lately. I think it's time for me to go see someone. I've been putting it off for the longest. And everytime I start to do it, I feel better the next day. But this up and down series of emotional mood swings is not productive. I don't want to be sad. And I don't want to be by myself. And if my being sad and moody and depressed and desperate is going to be a real stumbling block for me socially, it needs to be dealt with. And soon. Fuck. I need a hug. Someone out there, give me a hug? *sighs*

I keep reading over alice's post bout creative guys....guessing I'm one. Christ would that explain a lot. If you get to read this, fae, I know you're going to be really busy...but I also hope to still hear from you. PJ's not too far. *laughs*

Resnick

PS. Bill Hicks helped me get through the day today.